Bipolar Bob’s BLOGs

March 11, 2007

Real Life Poker

Filed under: Poker — Bipolar Bob @ 10:06 pm

I entered a $25 Texas Hold’em tournament today. It was my first time in a real poker room and I thought there were a lot of people there on a Sunday afternoon. I was not happy with the structure as I thought it would be a not re buy event. As soon as we sat down, everyone at the table pulls out another $25 for and extra 1500 chips. There I am with only 500 and the big blind is starting at 50 chips. I don’t want to start this far behind so I begrudgingly pull out a second $25 to start out even. I had split one pot with top two pair, and folded pretty much everything else, when I get pocket queens. One of the bigger stacked guys raises to 600 and I just call. I’m telling myself fold if you see a K or A on the flop automatic. An ace comes, he goes all in, and I push my last 1100 in knowing he has an A. I just couldn’t help myself. Blank Blank on the turn and river and he wins with A 9 off. No one bagged on me, but I did make a quick exit. There was 5 minutes or so left until the first break, so I could have bought more chips, but I thought that for $50 I got some good entertainment even if it was only 3 or 4 hands I played. I guess that of the 5 tables I was the first one out as everyone else had been buying more chips. Not much sucess at my first try, but I did have fun. I need to find a cheaper game with lower starting blinds.


March 10, 2007

….and more poker + DLS rant

Filed under: Poker, Rant — Bipolar Bob @ 7:19 pm

Poker on TV, poker on the computer, and I told my therapist George that I want to find some real life action in poker. I have found a weekday afternoon tournament for $10 a seat, and some I want to check out at a local casino tomorrow too.

So today I am reminded that the US government thinks that we are more important than nature. This stupid daylight savings thing, a process of changing the clocks twice a year to “beat” mother nature was not good enough for them. Now they change the date of the time change. I do not want to change my clocks anymore. Pick a time and stick with it. The rest of the world can enjoy the change of seasons naturally. We hardly have any seasons at all here in Southern California, and the time change is much more traumatic then the natural shifting of sunrise and sunset. With policies like this I wonder why I am surprised that they don’t believe in global warming, or as they say now… Maybe it’s a good thing. I have been disgusted with American politics for many years now. I try not to pay attention to it, but when ever I hear something in passing, it’s rarely good news in my mind.

March 7, 2007

Pretty balanced at the moment

Filed under: Bipolar, Family — Bipolar Bob @ 6:19 pm

So I was visiting with my Uncle the last couple of days. I didn’t get to meet any of his friends in the 3 days I spent with him, but he says that he has two different weekdaily groups that he meets with on a regular basis. It was very restful to be away from my standard routine, and I felt zero stress the entire time. Even the traffic jams on the over 2 hour drive each way didn’t faze me in the least. I even had to pull over to extinguish an ashtray fire, but although anxious until I had the water to put it out, once it was out, I was back on the road a few minutes later. The only delusional moment I had was when I thought that the delusions were absent because I was away from the local radio transmitters that mess with my head. So all in all my mood had been pretty level, and things seem to be going just great lately.

March 4, 2007

Poker poker poker

Filed under: Diary, Family, Poker, Watercolors — Bipolar Bob @ 3:54 pm

 So it’s been lots more free rolls on Absolute Poker. My plans for playing real money are now gone because I read the fine print on the 100% bonus. The restrictions on withdrawal of the bonus are much more strict than I expected. It looks like I’ll have to stay in the play money side of this site. So much for that get rich quick scheme. I should just delete Absolute Poker right now.

I have been spending hours watercolor painting too. The foreground of a landscape of Sedona Az is coming along quite nicely. It’s of Bell Rock, I found it in a book I got on a trip to Sedona years ago. There is certainly plenty of red rocks to work on at tomorrows art support group. Then I’m gonna go and see my uncle for a couple of days.

March 2, 2007

Lunch with Mom and Dad (but first Poker)

Filed under: Family, Poker — Bipolar Bob @ 10:27 pm

I just signed up on Absolute Poker a couple of days ago. I’m Mr_Smoke on there too, and have had mad beginners luck. They start you out with 2000 chips. In the first 15 minutes I had to ask for an extra 2000 chips 3 or 4 times, but now three days later I have 100K. I played 3 free roll tourneys with about 900 seats in each. I made the money in the first. The final table in the second. And tilted out of the third after the first break because I had to leave and drive to Mom and Dad’s house for lunch today. I’m thinking about giving real money a try on here. I think I will head to the 2,000 chip NL Hold’em tables on Absolute Poker now.

I did tell Mom and Dad about quitting my job finally, and they were supportive. My Mom asked if it would hurt me financially, and I said it would be no problem, but now that I think about it, that was the wrong answer. I just don’t want to hit them up for money unnecessarily. They are always there when I need them, and I’m very lucky and glad to have that kind of support.

March 1, 2007

Open House

Filed under: Bipolar, Friends — Bipolar Bob @ 6:05 pm


The Edmund Edelman Community Mental Health Center in West LA had a 10th anniversary open house. I have been seeing a Pdoc there for about 3 years. I just joined the art therapy group this Monday ( I went once last year, and didn’t want to add it to my schedule back then) and they asked if I had any artwork I wanted in the art show at the open house. I picked the perfect Monday to go back because I have some watercolors from years ago that I am very proud of. I don’t think that I would have won best of show, (as if it was a contest) but I’m sure that I was easily a close #2. Now that I think about it, there were a couple of other pieces that were of a high quality too. My problem is I’m too much of a realist, in my artistic renditions. I do watercolors, but I will work and re-work one little section of a piece for hours till it at least resembles the photo that I am working from. I need to loosen up with my work, it sure looks like it will paint faster. Part of me just doesn’t want to burn through that much paper, even though I have a bunch of good blank paper from when I painted years ago.  It’s just not cheap stuff. (sorry i wondered a bit there, back to the open house)


I got there too late to see the client theater group’s performance, but I heard good things about it. They had food and drinks, and a bunch of deserts. They had some music by clients too. I heard the namesake of the center Ed Edelman, former Los Angeles County Supervisor, speak about his thoughts when creating this center, and how his hopes have been exceeded. He also was given a collage done by the art therapy group. There were three collages given out and they all looked great.


Guest speaker Elyn Saks gave a great introduction and talk about her up coming book “The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness”. She is an associate dean and professor of law at USC and has had a hard fight with schizophrenia most of her life. I was very impressed by her talk but a good friend of mine, Ned, was very disappointed. He had heard her talk before about chronic depression, but I guess that she just came out as a schizophrenic recently. Since Ned has unipolar depression, he really wanted to hear more of her story, and right out of the box she says that she is schizophrenic. I bet he wanted to stand up and leave right then. Her story had similarity to mine, although her condition sounded much more harsh than my own, so I was very interested. The bottom line of her talk was, talk therapy got her through life, up to 4 and 5 times a week at times. She knows the myriad of pills do much of the work, but there is no substitute for support that you can get from quality individual therapy. She also read a few excerpts from her book. Some of the delusions she talked about sounded familiar, and some she just lost me. She took questions from the group assembled, but after 3 or 4 I got up and walked out as I was dying for a cigarette. I was tired, so I beat the rush to the elevator, and headed for home.

 I was stressed a bit shortly after I got there.  Once I had done the circuit around the artwork twice  I headed up stairs by the food.  I haden’t seen Ned and I assumed  he had come and gone.  As I felt like I and seen everything I was ready to leave.  He said he wanted to talk to me, but I was outta there.  I had pushed the button for the ultra slow elevators, and a minute later I spot Ned looking at the artwork at the other end of the hall.  That saved me.  He had been in the auditorium watching the theater group.  I am so glad I spoted him when I did.  

February 27, 2007

Dreams, Two (make that three)

Filed under: Dreams — Bipolar Bob @ 10:40 am

#1 Thailand
Last night on a sit-com I was watching, they mentioned Thai food, so I dreamed about going to Thailand. First I’m on a plane as it’s landing, and as we hit the ground the landing gear fails and the plane tips to the left. We slide on our side for a bit, while I look for and emg exit. Nobody can see a way out and panic soon ensues. Then I find myself on a train in Thailand going who knows where. The train pitches to the left too, and I’m on another wild ride. That is over in a flash and now we are outside checking into a hotel. I have my room key and am having a cigarette while the rest of the group checks into the hotel. The last lady to get her key is an older American lady in traditional Thai dress. She turns to me and says something derogatory about both my smoking and my sloppy dress. They are the cigarettes that I always smoke, and a typical t-shirt and shorts. I don’t remember what she said, or my curt retort, but after that quick exchange I simply turn and walk away.

#2 Al, Keith and Billy Bob
So another common subject of my dreams is my old job as a product engineer. I designed electronic equipment for recording and playing music. In this dream I am at work early and I am the only one in the engineering department. I liked working ‘off hours’ as I could get much more work done without interruption. I’m at a computer, and the CEO (the engineering brains of the outfit) comes over to get my help with something. He has some questions about the Spectrum Analyzer, and as I am the only one that ever uses it on a regular basis, he asks me. He wants to know how to customize the printouts, but I didn’t even know how to make it print anything. He shows me some printouts with awful super super bold fonts.

I ask what he is working on and he gives me the look that says, I’ll show you but you best keep it quite. As I follow him to the other end of the lab, the lab is now full of the regular compliment of engineers. He finds a seat and shows me a small sample of what he’s working on. “Just look at how great this display looks. And it will only cost us less than $2.50 a unit.” he says. Then his best research guy peeks around the corner and says, “Now tell Bob how much you spent developing it.” As we continue talking a bit, more and more people come into the lab. Then someone whispers, that’s Billy Bob Thorten.

I make my way back to where I was working and see Billy Bob looking at some of our stuff in the engineering lab. You know, getting the full VIP tour. I can’t deal the the crowd, and even though I’d like to meet Billy Bob, I decide to make a quick exit and have a cigarette outside. As I walk through the warehouse, a girl asks me who I’m gonna smoke with this early in the morning. I just ignore her as I am in desperate need of the nicotine for stress relief. I use an exit that is always locked and find myself in a park.

I hop on my mountain bicycle and start riding wheelies. When my front tire is in the air it seems like I’m ten feet off the ground. I have several near crashes, and weave my way through oncoming foot traffic still riding a wheelie. Then below me is a naked chick. (quite a surprise as I rarely have sex dreams) I stop, hold the wheelie in place for a moment, and then dive off the bike, head first, into her crotch. A moment after I land, I wake up with a smile on my face.

I had a busy day yesterday, and I guess I had a busy night of dreams.

#3 Repeat
I now remember another one I had last night. It was a re-run. The electrical outlet in my home was shooting water out of itself like it had a garden hose behind it. I turn to my Mother and ask her what are we going to do in a shocked and upset tone. Mom’s face is also shocked, but she had nothing to say. I don’t know what this one is about, but I don’t like the feeling that I get when I see the water like that. I hope I can figure this one out before it becomes a recurring theme in my dreams.

February 25, 2007

Last night’s dream ‘Detour’

Filed under: Dreams, Family — Bipolar Bob @ 12:49 pm

In my dream last night I was trying to get home. I have lived in the same apartment for 19 years now, and I still dream of the home that I grew up in. So I keep hitting detours and roads packed with cars. At one point I see my Dad stuck in a huge mess of cars ahead of me. I see a good sidestep around the crowd and try to tell him about it, but he never sees me and I take the exit alone. I keep turning for home but can’t get there. – – Then I am at home, in the bathroom getting ready for High School. (Strange in itself, because most every day I left for school before anyone else in the house was even awake to go to swimming workout) So as I come out of the bathroom, there is water running down the wall, and coming out of an electrical outlet like it has a garden hose behind it. I say, Dad, I think we have a problem with the water heater. He is at the breakfast table in a suit ready for work, and says something like we will have to fix it later, it’s time to go. – – Next I’m asleep on a perch like a cat. I find myself on the top of the china cabinet. At first I think it’s cool to be up there, but soon wonder how I got up there, and what Mom will say when she sees me up there. I try to climb down, but I have that dream paralysis thing were you can’t move no matter what you do. I’m stuck and struggling for a few moments and then I wake up safe in my own bed.

February 21, 2007

I saw Barack Obama yesterday

Filed under: Paranoia, Uncategorized, Work — Bipolar Bob @ 10:27 pm

Barack had a rally in Los Angeles Tuesday. He said all the stuff that I expected him to say. The one surprise was he promised universal health care, with emphasis on prevention, in his first four years. There was a good crowd, I would have guessed 10,000 but I heard estimates on the news that it was only 3,000 people. I had to leave the mosh pit mid speech because my feet were hurting so bad from standing for 3 hours. Also I was a bit paranoid in the crowd, thinking that there were secret service watching me because I had a backpack. There were many cops around directing traffic, but I didn’t see any security once I was inside. This lead me to believe that they were hiding in plain site, and that anyone around me was security. I tried not to let it bother me, it was just that they were crowding me, actually touching me, as they had pushed their way up to where I was standing. All I had in in my bag were my ‘No more war$’ Camo Peace T-shirts, but no one ever asked to see what I had. I wanted to sell a few, but I didn’t have the guts to show them to anyone. I saw a good spot to sell them as the people were walking out, but I was too tired, and still worried about all the police. I don’t know how I am going to unload these shirts if I don’t ever even TRY to sell one.

I got a check in the mail from my old boss. She wrote a short note, in which she said that she only paid half of what I asked for the trip to the car dealer. No appology, no I want you back. Fine with me. I just cashed the check and she is now dust in my rear view mirror.

February 20, 2007

Still trippin

Filed under: Bipolar, Diary, Friends, Paranoia, Work — Bipolar Bob @ 12:00 am

I’m feeling like I am in control of things again.  It’s the grandiose thing where I believe that my thoughts and minor actions are having drastic results.  And I haven’t even read “The Secret.”   I really dug “What the Bleep Do We Know” but it all seems like stuff that I’ve heard before.   When I start feeling it like I am now, I either think I’m nuts, or Truman Burbank. 

So since I quit my job there has been two hang-ups on my answering machine.  No caller ID but I know it’s my old boss calling.  I really don’t feel like talking to her at all.  I just tired of solving her every problem.  Granted, I have not been at all productive….. no that’s BS.   I have spent a lot of hours playing poker this weekend, but I tried to get my eye’s checked, got a depakote level blood draw, and got my car serviced.  I’m getting a lot of stuff done.  It use to be I would regret getting home and seeing a message on my answering machine cause it was always her, and she always needed something right away.  I have to take some of the credit for that …. no one want’s to call me.  I have very few friends and I have lost a good one this whole mess.  I felt unappreciated, and then insulted, I had to draw the line and make the cut. 

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