Bipolar Bob’s BLOGs

May 20, 2007

Dreaming

Filed under: Bipolar, Dreams, Family — Bipolar Bob @ 2:51 pm

I have been in a bit of a mixed state lately. Hyperactive and yet still sleepy and at times lethargic. It’s weird but better than being depressed. Here are some disjointed images from a dream I just had while napping:

It started with heated words on my blog, me figuring the subject person would never read what I’d written. Then I find myself stowing away on his yacht, probably because of the woman who was with him. (She seemed to remain in at least the side of the picture, throughout this dream.) I am below in a cabin, and the two of them are right outside the window. I think I have a good place to hide and spy until a couple of friendly cats show put and start in with their routine. She starts to come down below to get a cat and I jump up to meet her half way so that we can talk without him hearing. When she comes around the corner and sees me she quickly draws her gun and my hands go right up. [I don’t like guns, never had. I had a locked and loaded one pointed at me IRL by the cops once and don’t want to repeat that ever again.] We have a brief and quiet what the heck are you doing here conversation. She gives me the nickel plated revolver and instructions to shoot the other guy if there’s a confrontation. I go back to my hiding place and tuck the gun into my shirt. I figure I should be ready so I try to cock the hammer and it makes a noise that he can obviously hear. The hammer won’t lock and makes 3 more loud clicks as it slowly comes back down. The whole time I have my thumb on the hammer I am terrified that I will shoot myself in the arm accidentally.

Now he’s on his way down and the scene shifts to me and her sitting at a table in the galley below decks. He comes storming in and I draw down on him first but fail to shoot. He draws and we are both aiming at each other’s head. [looking down that barrel at his head was so very unnerving and realistic] Frozen and unable to do anything, the standoff continues until someone (now there’s other people around too) says you should read what he’s written about you. She chimes in saying she has some of it with her now. I think she is nuts for giving him access to the blog, and wonder who’s side she is really on now. He is all too anxious to see this and lowers his guard. I know he’s gonna shoot me for what’s been written, but I can’t take preemptive action. She pulls out a greeting card kind of proof sheet. The card takes snip its of my blog and artwork to decorate a holiday card. He doesn’t see the truly offensive parts of the blog and looses interest in me and I become interested more in her and the holiday card. I propose that we become partners in marketing my artwork, and she just chuckles.

Now the boat morphs into a truck, and the guys I’m with are all friends. We are going home from a camping trip or something like that. Ron is driving and we are approaching a USA Space Shuttle on the launching pad. When we are only a few miles away from it the engines start to rumble. Ron, the most interested in the Shuttle, is dying to see, and drives into the weeds on the side of the road while trying to watch out his side window. The guy riding shotgun tries to help steer us back to the road but we come to a grinding halt and straight into a mud wall. The Shuttle never blasts off, at least with the minor car crash , I don’t notice any fireball in the sky. As we all stand around and assess the damage I feel the strong desire to ‘hug it out’ with Ron, and I begin weeping as we do.
– – – – dream over – – – –

I have been a bit emotional like that lately too. Crying at the sappy movies on cable TV and such. I haven’t see Ron in years, and he seemed a bit like a surrogate father in the last moments of the dream. Strange as my relationship with my actual father is very good, and we both can tell the other that we love them.

March 7, 2007

Pretty balanced at the moment

Filed under: Bipolar, Family — Bipolar Bob @ 6:19 pm

So I was visiting with my Uncle the last couple of days. I didn’t get to meet any of his friends in the 3 days I spent with him, but he says that he has two different weekdaily groups that he meets with on a regular basis. It was very restful to be away from my standard routine, and I felt zero stress the entire time. Even the traffic jams on the over 2 hour drive each way didn’t faze me in the least. I even had to pull over to extinguish an ashtray fire, but although anxious until I had the water to put it out, once it was out, I was back on the road a few minutes later. The only delusional moment I had was when I thought that the delusions were absent because I was away from the local radio transmitters that mess with my head. So all in all my mood had been pretty level, and things seem to be going just great lately.

March 4, 2007

Poker poker poker

Filed under: Diary, Family, Poker, Watercolors — Bipolar Bob @ 3:54 pm

 So it’s been lots more free rolls on Absolute Poker. My plans for playing real money are now gone because I read the fine print on the 100% bonus. The restrictions on withdrawal of the bonus are much more strict than I expected. It looks like I’ll have to stay in the play money side of this site. So much for that get rich quick scheme. I should just delete Absolute Poker right now.

I have been spending hours watercolor painting too. The foreground of a landscape of Sedona Az is coming along quite nicely. It’s of Bell Rock, I found it in a book I got on a trip to Sedona years ago. There is certainly plenty of red rocks to work on at tomorrows art support group. Then I’m gonna go and see my uncle for a couple of days.

March 2, 2007

Lunch with Mom and Dad (but first Poker)

Filed under: Family, Poker — Bipolar Bob @ 10:27 pm

I just signed up on Absolute Poker a couple of days ago. I’m Mr_Smoke on there too, and have had mad beginners luck. They start you out with 2000 chips. In the first 15 minutes I had to ask for an extra 2000 chips 3 or 4 times, but now three days later I have 100K. I played 3 free roll tourneys with about 900 seats in each. I made the money in the first. The final table in the second. And tilted out of the third after the first break because I had to leave and drive to Mom and Dad’s house for lunch today. I’m thinking about giving real money a try on here. I think I will head to the 2,000 chip NL Hold’em tables on Absolute Poker now.

I did tell Mom and Dad about quitting my job finally, and they were supportive. My Mom asked if it would hurt me financially, and I said it would be no problem, but now that I think about it, that was the wrong answer. I just don’t want to hit them up for money unnecessarily. They are always there when I need them, and I’m very lucky and glad to have that kind of support.

February 25, 2007

Last night’s dream ‘Detour’

Filed under: Dreams, Family — Bipolar Bob @ 12:49 pm

In my dream last night I was trying to get home. I have lived in the same apartment for 19 years now, and I still dream of the home that I grew up in. So I keep hitting detours and roads packed with cars. At one point I see my Dad stuck in a huge mess of cars ahead of me. I see a good sidestep around the crowd and try to tell him about it, but he never sees me and I take the exit alone. I keep turning for home but can’t get there. – – Then I am at home, in the bathroom getting ready for High School. (Strange in itself, because most every day I left for school before anyone else in the house was even awake to go to swimming workout) So as I come out of the bathroom, there is water running down the wall, and coming out of an electrical outlet like it has a garden hose behind it. I say, Dad, I think we have a problem with the water heater. He is at the breakfast table in a suit ready for work, and says something like we will have to fix it later, it’s time to go. – – Next I’m asleep on a perch like a cat. I find myself on the top of the china cabinet. At first I think it’s cool to be up there, but soon wonder how I got up there, and what Mom will say when she sees me up there. I try to climb down, but I have that dream paralysis thing were you can’t move no matter what you do. I’m stuck and struggling for a few moments and then I wake up safe in my own bed.

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