Bipolar Bob’s BLOGs

May 20, 2007

Dreaming

Filed under: Bipolar, Dreams, Family — Bipolar Bob @ 2:51 pm

I have been in a bit of a mixed state lately. Hyperactive and yet still sleepy and at times lethargic. It’s weird but better than being depressed. Here are some disjointed images from a dream I just had while napping:

It started with heated words on my blog, me figuring the subject person would never read what I’d written. Then I find myself stowing away on his yacht, probably because of the woman who was with him. (She seemed to remain in at least the side of the picture, throughout this dream.) I am below in a cabin, and the two of them are right outside the window. I think I have a good place to hide and spy until a couple of friendly cats show put and start in with their routine. She starts to come down below to get a cat and I jump up to meet her half way so that we can talk without him hearing. When she comes around the corner and sees me she quickly draws her gun and my hands go right up. [I don’t like guns, never had. I had a locked and loaded one pointed at me IRL by the cops once and don’t want to repeat that ever again.] We have a brief and quiet what the heck are you doing here conversation. She gives me the nickel plated revolver and instructions to shoot the other guy if there’s a confrontation. I go back to my hiding place and tuck the gun into my shirt. I figure I should be ready so I try to cock the hammer and it makes a noise that he can obviously hear. The hammer won’t lock and makes 3 more loud clicks as it slowly comes back down. The whole time I have my thumb on the hammer I am terrified that I will shoot myself in the arm accidentally.

Now he’s on his way down and the scene shifts to me and her sitting at a table in the galley below decks. He comes storming in and I draw down on him first but fail to shoot. He draws and we are both aiming at each other’s head. [looking down that barrel at his head was so very unnerving and realistic] Frozen and unable to do anything, the standoff continues until someone (now there’s other people around too) says you should read what he’s written about you. She chimes in saying she has some of it with her now. I think she is nuts for giving him access to the blog, and wonder who’s side she is really on now. He is all too anxious to see this and lowers his guard. I know he’s gonna shoot me for what’s been written, but I can’t take preemptive action. She pulls out a greeting card kind of proof sheet. The card takes snip its of my blog and artwork to decorate a holiday card. He doesn’t see the truly offensive parts of the blog and looses interest in me and I become interested more in her and the holiday card. I propose that we become partners in marketing my artwork, and she just chuckles.

Now the boat morphs into a truck, and the guys I’m with are all friends. We are going home from a camping trip or something like that. Ron is driving and we are approaching a USA Space Shuttle on the launching pad. When we are only a few miles away from it the engines start to rumble. Ron, the most interested in the Shuttle, is dying to see, and drives into the weeds on the side of the road while trying to watch out his side window. The guy riding shotgun tries to help steer us back to the road but we come to a grinding halt and straight into a mud wall. The Shuttle never blasts off, at least with the minor car crash , I don’t notice any fireball in the sky. As we all stand around and assess the damage I feel the strong desire to ‘hug it out’ with Ron, and I begin weeping as we do.
– – – – dream over – – – –

I have been a bit emotional like that lately too. Crying at the sappy movies on cable TV and such. I haven’t see Ron in years, and he seemed a bit like a surrogate father in the last moments of the dream. Strange as my relationship with my actual father is very good, and we both can tell the other that we love them.

February 27, 2007

Dreams, Two (make that three)

Filed under: Dreams — Bipolar Bob @ 10:40 am

#1 Thailand
Last night on a sit-com I was watching, they mentioned Thai food, so I dreamed about going to Thailand. First I’m on a plane as it’s landing, and as we hit the ground the landing gear fails and the plane tips to the left. We slide on our side for a bit, while I look for and emg exit. Nobody can see a way out and panic soon ensues. Then I find myself on a train in Thailand going who knows where. The train pitches to the left too, and I’m on another wild ride. That is over in a flash and now we are outside checking into a hotel. I have my room key and am having a cigarette while the rest of the group checks into the hotel. The last lady to get her key is an older American lady in traditional Thai dress. She turns to me and says something derogatory about both my smoking and my sloppy dress. They are the cigarettes that I always smoke, and a typical t-shirt and shorts. I don’t remember what she said, or my curt retort, but after that quick exchange I simply turn and walk away.

#2 Al, Keith and Billy Bob
So another common subject of my dreams is my old job as a product engineer. I designed electronic equipment for recording and playing music. In this dream I am at work early and I am the only one in the engineering department. I liked working ‘off hours’ as I could get much more work done without interruption. I’m at a computer, and the CEO (the engineering brains of the outfit) comes over to get my help with something. He has some questions about the Spectrum Analyzer, and as I am the only one that ever uses it on a regular basis, he asks me. He wants to know how to customize the printouts, but I didn’t even know how to make it print anything. He shows me some printouts with awful super super bold fonts.

I ask what he is working on and he gives me the look that says, I’ll show you but you best keep it quite. As I follow him to the other end of the lab, the lab is now full of the regular compliment of engineers. He finds a seat and shows me a small sample of what he’s working on. “Just look at how great this display looks. And it will only cost us less than $2.50 a unit.” he says. Then his best research guy peeks around the corner and says, “Now tell Bob how much you spent developing it.” As we continue talking a bit, more and more people come into the lab. Then someone whispers, that’s Billy Bob Thorten.

I make my way back to where I was working and see Billy Bob looking at some of our stuff in the engineering lab. You know, getting the full VIP tour. I can’t deal the the crowd, and even though I’d like to meet Billy Bob, I decide to make a quick exit and have a cigarette outside. As I walk through the warehouse, a girl asks me who I’m gonna smoke with this early in the morning. I just ignore her as I am in desperate need of the nicotine for stress relief. I use an exit that is always locked and find myself in a park.

I hop on my mountain bicycle and start riding wheelies. When my front tire is in the air it seems like I’m ten feet off the ground. I have several near crashes, and weave my way through oncoming foot traffic still riding a wheelie. Then below me is a naked chick. (quite a surprise as I rarely have sex dreams) I stop, hold the wheelie in place for a moment, and then dive off the bike, head first, into her crotch. A moment after I land, I wake up with a smile on my face.

I had a busy day yesterday, and I guess I had a busy night of dreams.

#3 Repeat
I now remember another one I had last night. It was a re-run. The electrical outlet in my home was shooting water out of itself like it had a garden hose behind it. I turn to my Mother and ask her what are we going to do in a shocked and upset tone. Mom’s face is also shocked, but she had nothing to say. I don’t know what this one is about, but I don’t like the feeling that I get when I see the water like that. I hope I can figure this one out before it becomes a recurring theme in my dreams.

February 25, 2007

Last night’s dream ‘Detour’

Filed under: Dreams, Family — Bipolar Bob @ 12:49 pm

In my dream last night I was trying to get home. I have lived in the same apartment for 19 years now, and I still dream of the home that I grew up in. So I keep hitting detours and roads packed with cars. At one point I see my Dad stuck in a huge mess of cars ahead of me. I see a good sidestep around the crowd and try to tell him about it, but he never sees me and I take the exit alone. I keep turning for home but can’t get there. – – Then I am at home, in the bathroom getting ready for High School. (Strange in itself, because most every day I left for school before anyone else in the house was even awake to go to swimming workout) So as I come out of the bathroom, there is water running down the wall, and coming out of an electrical outlet like it has a garden hose behind it. I say, Dad, I think we have a problem with the water heater. He is at the breakfast table in a suit ready for work, and says something like we will have to fix it later, it’s time to go. – – Next I’m asleep on a perch like a cat. I find myself on the top of the china cabinet. At first I think it’s cool to be up there, but soon wonder how I got up there, and what Mom will say when she sees me up there. I try to climb down, but I have that dream paralysis thing were you can’t move no matter what you do. I’m stuck and struggling for a few moments and then I wake up safe in my own bed.

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